Is it possible that my presence is an aphrodisiac for members of the turtle family? Whether or not this is a recent phenomenon, I do not know. Maybe I have possessed this unique capacity my entire life. How ironic that my blissful ignorance led to their blissful “situation.”
I first discovered this unwanted power at the local zoo about 18 years ago. During my summers away from teaching 3rd/4th grade, I worked at their summer camp. How well this summer gig blended with my apparent skills as a turtle pimp. We spent Thursday nights at the zoo, sleeping over in the grass, and taking our “night-hikes.” This was when I discovered my “talent.”
The zoo has an outdoor yard, featuring the two largest tortoise species in the world–the Aldabra and Galapagos Tortoises. In past summers, camp staff entered these yards and fed tortoises with our teen campers. Some lucky counselors snapped quick photos astride a giant tortoise. How appropriate that I would later discover how much these tortoises enjoy riding one another.
To their credit, the tortoises do possess a certain amount of decorum: they only engage in their favorite pastime at night. Most visitors are unaware of the tortoises’ nocturnal cravings. Employees, however, found ourselves cringing about what we might see and hear if we approached in the dark.
Tortoises, however silent for most of their lives, are anything but quiet during breeding. The males mount the females, grabbing hold of their massive upper domes with strong forelegs. All well and good, even if she is not into it–I have rarely seen the female during the act without her head inside her shell. The awkward thrusting and bucking of the male tends to move observers quickly along their way. The male is vocal enough during the act to warn any comers, so to speak, that the yard is a-rocking. Unfortunately, his pig-grunts and mating belches get all the night-hiking campers rushing over to him, only to stand there, open-mouthed and confused. How to explain that natural behavior to these six year-olds….
Our teen campers were the only ones I ever saw run away from the scene, fleeing like antelope in headlights. For my part, I had forewarned of my special powers but, as they refused to believe me, they were (un)fortunate enough to bear witness. We approached the exhibit on our scavenger hunt (teen camp’s version of the night hike) and, as soon as they heard the noises, they all screamed (boys included) and roach-scattered from the scene. All the adolescent flirting and lusting ended right there, at least for that night. We are doing our part for preemptive birth control.
The prolific nature of these tortoises is hardly news to zoo employees. So, why would I consider myself to possess special powers? I have also “stumbled” upon other turtles and tortoises engaged in diurnal copulation, at other zoos and in the wild. I took the example photo above at the Indianapolis Zoo, on a family trip. My older daughter, then 5, and I discovered two Radiated Tortoises who were clearly “wrestling, Daddy!” I agree, baby, I agree.
However random these occurrences, on two other occasions, I have interrupted the coitus of box turtles in the middle of a trail during runs in the woods. Please, let’s have some decency here! If you are going to climb aboard, let’s all remember this isn’t Woodstock. Then again, maybe it is true that the turtle pheromone I emit is so powerful, they must find each other, and submit to their urges.
Don’t believe me?
Let’s go to the zoo.