It is an interesting thing, when you reach a certain age, and mortality seems to stop its slow creep and begin its rapid approach. Nothing about the aging process ever really speeds up or slows down, but some level of expediency comes from thinking about it more often.
After my milestone birthday in August, I worried I would perseverate a bit more on mortality. Rich, for someone who used to consider it on a more regular basis, especially in low moments between 2017 – 2020.
But, I did not think of it more often once I hit the age. Instead, I was surprised at how good I felt (relatively) and how my mind seemed to be pointing in the right direction (at the time.)
Yet, for the past month, what began as nostalgia, moved rapidly toward regret and surprise at how much of my life had already passed and how little might remain. Really, any of our lives are only as long as the time between now and the next accident, but we all delude ourselves into safety and longevity.
Oddly, I was coming to peace with these more prevalent feelings in the days before my colonoscopy last week.
Until I emerged from anesthesia and heard people talking about polyps.
There was always that possibility, as I have a pretty significant family history of polyps, especially on my father’s side. Genetics, like time and age, always win. Mine just won a little earlier than anticipated.
I waited six more days to hear the results of the pathology on those polyps–really, a less-offensive and worry-inducing name than “tumors.” Both are cell-laden foreign bodies that need to be removed. That is what the doctor did with my two polyps.
Then, the report came back: one of the tumors was benign–just a dense mass of tissue similar to the lining of the colon. Removed, discarded, no worries. The other? It is called a serrated adenoma: pre-cancerous, early-stage cancer mass that is found in less than 1% of all colon tumors. Great!
The doctor assures me there is little to worry about. He has seen them before, removed them before, and did not see many harsh outcomes from the others. He did say he would conduct more pathology and let me know if his plan changed any more than his previously-suggested revision from colonoscopies every five years (due to family history) to every three years, due to the polyp discovery.
He did not think that would happen.
I will wait and see. And try not to think about mortality too much.